Thinking
I’m thinking… Well, I started to think of what Matt said: It’s sad that only can depend on you to make your life happy, no?
And I thought that yes and no. Yes, as it’s good if you have someone besides you who really does understand you and by that lives through also your happiness. Well, I would do almost anything to have such a relationship - and I think at least I have made a start with that. The idea of not complaining and wining so much about your life and how miserable everything seems, is part of that. It simply doesn’t help you. If you asked how I have felt during the last years, then I’d aswer that depressed, low, thinking that who the f..k would care what I did or what I was. And the times when I felt really lonely, were absolutely my own fault - would anybody wanted to talk with me, to hang around with me like that? I wouldn’t have wanted to be in my friends shoes.
I am still lonely, I can’t deny it, but I think I’ve started to learn to live with it. If there’s going to be someone besides me, then I’ll just wait. I can’t force that. And for so long, I’ll have my friends and this blog as my electronic compagnon. Hmm, now this sounds really sad… Hey, but at least four real existing people read this!!!
PS. Matt - I’ve been looking at your photo-blog regularly. Now that I know also your blog address, I’ll visit it, too.
March 14th, 2006 at 3:51 am
I’m lonely too. The thing is for me it’s all or nothing. I either only depend on me or I only look to friends for happiness. The latter is happier, the former more satisfying. Right now I am neither and it is a dark time. Sometimes I wonder about friends that are happy also, they seem to be towards the low end of the IQ scale, they are oblivious to all the shit going on around them. The bad things in life so apparent make me unhappy, the unjustice of the world makes me unhappy. The rich get richer bla bla bla. Only by ignoring this can I be happy, ignorance is bliss, but even if it is possible, what does that make me?
March 15th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
Võid rahuliku südamega 4 ümber 5-ks kirjutada:) Mina ka loen sinu toimetamistest aeg-ajalt. Aga sõbrake, pea püsti! Kevad läheneb! Praktika näitab, et temperatuuri tõus tõstab ka meeleolu mõne kraadi:)
March 17th, 2006 at 5:35 am
Another thought, I’m going to post it on my blog now. A woman makes happiness. Ocean’s 12. I love the lifestyle portrayed on this movie, but what appeals to me most is the connection Catherine Z-Jones portrays when she finds her father and the happiness in the final shot of the movie. The woman makes happy, fulfills, satisfies…nothing else…
April 1st, 2006 at 5:09 pm
Dear GOD!!! Guys!!! Relationships - don’t even go there. Getting laid once in a while is good, I admit, but a relationship? It’s like prison, especially when your girlfriend has a low self esteem and f****d up thinking.
So, DANGER, DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DON’T START A RELATIONSHIP. BE A SINGLE BACHELOR WHO’S AT LEAST FREE OF COMMITMENTS!!!
Thank you. I rest my case… whatever it was :S I have this condition that I can’t remember what I wrote or said 2 minutes later.